Thursday, August 11, 2011

Memphis Hotel

We didn't stay in a Memphis hotel. We slept across the state border in Arkansas, and drove to Memphis.

While looking for hotels, we found a super cheap place in Memphis itself, and were ready to take it. Then we read the reviews, and disguest transformed to outright laughter as we saw what people had to say. Here are some quotes from the reviews of this place.

The experience my family had at this motel was a nightmare! My family was verbally assaulted and our lives safety was threatened by the night "manager" at the hotel.

Before this happened I was already thinking of leave because there is no safety screens and no fire floor plans visible and no posting about night door policy and the blood stains floors and mattresses.

This 'dump' is 13 miles from the centre of Memphis and is in a dodgy area. Our room was dirty and the bed linen on one of the beds was soiled, the chair seats were too dirty to sit on .The plugs for the bath and basin were missing and the t.v. did not work either.

the carpets were all stained and you kept finding hairs all over the room

Just so you get an idea, the maides used a Wall-Mart shopping cart to carry their cleaning supplies! The parking lot is ... divided with a chainlink fence with razor wire around the top and some of the rooms had weird writing on them (like egyption) just realy strange. OH, also the lady had me sign a receipt for half the price I actually paid [...]!!!!!!!!

The last review is a bit long, but I recommend you read through it, it had us laughing out loud....

You know you're in for a treat when you check into a room where the wallpaper is peeling off, and stained brown. We checked in around 2pm and were "upgraded" to a suite, which is a good job, because if a normal room was any lesser in quality I don't know what I'd have done. The "business centre" (locked, not in use) was the only other room in reception, but there were some huge automatic doors (locked) which concealed a ridiculous amount of dust, and a "CONSTRUCTION" sign on the door. I truly believe it was the beginnings of a secret passageway for Reneé. We'll get to that.

We decided to get out of the place for the day (taking all of our money, and valuables with us - its a bad neighborhood) and got the Cheap, Convenient cab into town (5 minutes! the poster boasts/lies). 20 minutes and about $30 later, we arrived near Beale Street. We got very very drunk, mainly to kill the aching of how disgusting our room was, and to give us a bit of dutch courage to actually get into the bed. $30 more later, we were back in Paradise. Strangely, the cab driver on the way back that night mentioned that this hotel changes its name "all the time". We wondered whether it was to shake off a nasty definitely must be.

After peeling back the bedsheets in our two-lamp lit room, my boyfriend noticed a very prominent BLOODSTAIN all down one side of the bed. Of course, we checked under the bed then, as well as in the broken drawers and the greasy shower. There was definitely nobody in our "suite", but that didn't make it feel any safer at all.

Alas, no amount of drunkenness would let us ignore the constant noise from everywhere else in the motel. There is a "topless bar" next door. Its open til 4am. I think Topless Bar is some sort of codename, because our neighbor Reneé (employee of the month in the topless bar no doubt) seemed to have a gentleman caller on the hour every hour, and moreso after 4am. Lucky Renee. Not so lucky us, who got to listen to the regular knocking, shouting and creaking that her services provided. It seemed that Reneé's husband also lived upstairs from us, and was a cleptomaniac. The riots in the hallway were usually about him stealing her purse or whatever, and the "night guard" had to come to smooth things over. Possibly in return for an hour with Renee.

The worst part, definitely, was that around 4am I somehow got to sleep. My boyfriend was not so lucky, and sat guard all night. He probably has better Renee gossip than me. The phone rang, and when I answered, in a very groggy british accent, the night guard announced that we had a visitor. I explained we hadn't invited anybody and he told the ladycaller that we hadn't "ordered" her. After some difficulty, she believed him. He whispered something like "folks change their mind" before she went away. She begged to differ, but must have disappeared when I hung up as we never heard from her again.

We mentioned all of this to the receptionist when we checked out (as early as possible) the following morning. We received a slack, watered down "oh, sorry, i wasn't here so I don't know".

Unless you're looking for a sloppy, rickety session with Renee, or looking to have your clothes, money or teeth stolen, I suggest you pay the little extra and not fear for your lives.

It is a good thing for internet reviews.

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